I’m starting to notice a trend in the things I post about what I’m learning:
1. It’s all stuff I learned for the first time a long while ago, and keeps gaining new meaning as time goes on.
2. It’s mainly stuff my mom taught me.
Lesson here: listen to your parents, or if your parents suck listen to those trying to help you.
Anyways, story time. Growing up I never had big expectations placed on me by my mom. Not that she didn’t think I’d amount to anything, but it was mainly me telling myself I needed to achieve more. I set the ridiculous expectations, not her. Whenever I wasn’t sure about how I did, academically or otherwise, she’d ask the same thing: did I try my best?
Honestly, sometimes it was a no. I’d slacked off on chores, or an assignment, or whatever it may be. If I had tried my best though, I felt a lot better. Most of the time, I felt like it wasn’t enough, no matter how well things were actually going.
Fast forward to now, and more than ever I need to contextualize things in terms of doing my best. Picking up and moving to a new city is not a rom-com movie or goofy sitcom, as much as I’d like to say it is. It’s tough. I have some of my best friends in this city and I still wake up sometimes asking to go home. I don’t even know what I mean by home, which is the part that is a little fucking bananas.
It’s tough to adjust and learn a new city. I’ve done it multiple times in my life and it doesn’t appear to be like riding a bike. Instead it’s a riding a bike where the wheels are the wrong size, the chain falls off, and the seat is uncomfortable, but you really don’t have another way to get around.
I try to try my best. Learning a new school to work at, a new city with new routines, I just keep trying. I keep reminding myself that it’s mainly me who has this ridiculous expectation set up for how it’s supposed to go. It might get there and it might not, but right now doing the best I can is all that can really be expected.
My mom still asks me to try. Try and get adjusted to the city, meet people, and work hard at work and at myself.
What’s the takeaway here? Great question. Listen to the people you look up to, probably. Try your best, and recognize that as a person that is all you can give. Even though things can seem really damn hard, you’re going to be okay.